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Archive for July, 2007

Did you hear me when I called out
Or did you just pretend not to?
Did you see me when i cried
Or did you just pretend that i was smiling?
Did you ever want to pull me close
Or did you always think that I never needed your love?
Did you bring me here out of choice
Or was I a load you pulled across?

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I believe life starts afresh- every morning when i get up and see the morning sun peering in through the curtains, there is a sense of the arrival of a fresh beginning. I know I might sound a tad weird when i say this but honestly the sadness and the despair of life seems to give way to a bout of fresh air and a bright ray of hope. You might wonder if my life is filled with misery and I have a horrible marriage and a professional life- its nothing of the sort and this keeps me more bewildered. I have an amazing partner who I know loves me and I can fall back on for every small thing in my life. i have a job where I’m settled and I am not that bad a worker. But its a feeling of despair beyond all of this- something that I cannot recognize nor can i comprehend. Im not the type to be depressed about life and mourn and sulk. I try to be cheerful and positive, laughing at all the small thrills that life brings with it. But somebody had once told me this and today I really wonder if this is true- that one who laughs and smiles the most is the saddest in the lot and does all this just to put up a facade. It does scare me to my wits end and I only hope that its not true.

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